Acceptance, not Resistance.

We just disagree“I am willing to fight with everything I’ve got to make this work.”  Have you heard people say that?  I have.  I have also thought that way myself.  I think we all think that way from time to time.  I would like to introduce a different way of thinking about this.

When you say “you are willing to fight with everything you’ve got for something” doesn’t it seem like you are prepping for a fight?  It’s as if by saying the phrase “willing to fight” invites a fight.  You pre-frame your mind to see the fight, or obstacle, in a situation before you see any other way to make it work.  So, what happens?  The minute you say those words, get ready because you are going to fight for it, and you may not win.  You are fighting for your way to make it work.  If it’s a relationship, what about what works for the other person?  Maybe they have a different way of how a relationships works.  So while you both may be “fighting to make it work” you are both fighting for separate ideas of how to make it work.  That doesn’t work!!

Everyone needs to be on the same page for something to work.  You can fight and fight for something but if its two separate ideas, it won’t matter.  You will be in full resistance to the other person’s way of thinking, and they will be in full resistance to yours.  Fight all you want to but if you are fighting for different reasons it simply won’t work.

Try changing the phrase from “I am willing to fight for this” to “I accept the situation as is and will work to enhance it.”  By saying this you eliminate the fight, and you pre-frame your mind to automatically look for solutions around any obstacle that comes up.  You also stay open minded to what the other person wants and needs.  By saying you accept the situation as is, you are showing the other person that you accept them for who and what they are right now, instead of trying to mold them to fit your world.  They are accepting you for who you are right now as well.  Once you get to that place where you are both in acceptance of each other’s lives you will then be able to work together to overcome obstacles and stay together.

This change of mindset applies to any dynamic in your life, be it a work relationship, a friendship, and relationship, and even a parent/child relationship.  Stop fighting for things that do not work and start accepting things for what they are.  Be grateful that you have the ability to fully accept someone or something for who and what they are, instead of being ungrateful because you are seeing only what you do not want.  You are allowed to have what you want when you want it, you may just have to change your perspective a little to fully appreciate it.