Letting Go

We just disagreeNo one likes the thought of letting go of anyone or anything.  We just don’t.  I don’t like it.  I certainly do not like letting people I care about go.  It’s a part of life though and I can either accept the process and go with it or fight the idea and allow people space in my life where they do not belong.  Just when I think I’ve got a handle on myself and I am in a good place with great people something happens that reminds me to stay aware of people’s motives and actions.

For me, I have a repeating pattern that I think I have a grasp on, but I am not sure because when I try something different, the same thing happens.  I tend to attract people that, for lack of a better term, take advantage of me.  When I meet new people that I have a great connection with, I jump right in.  I am not a scared person and I don’t wait for people to make up their mind about me.  I forget that they may not live life the same way I do and they might be more fearful or distrusting of others.  I trust everyone.  (Not to say that I trust them with my life or my kids, I just believe the niceness they have about them and that they are not going to hurt me.)  I honestly believe that people’s agendas are inherently good.  So I give of myself openly.  I show my appreciation by doing acts of kindness, even if it the second or third time we’ve hung out.

I am a person of abundance and the more I have the more I share.  It could be money, it could be time, it could be letting the other person decide when we will hang out, or I might even offer help for a project or running errands.  I am a nice person and want to help out those that help me or offer support.  The problem for me is that people latch onto me not for me, but for what I do for them.  That really isn’t a healthy dynamic for either of us.  One person is the user and the other person is the usee.  The best part about all of this is that I keep getting used by people that only want me to do things for them, not spend time with me.  It leaves me exhausted and unhappy.

I have had to let go of a few people within the last month that did this to me.  I am saddened by that.  However, I know it’s for the best.  All I can do is learn the lesson that needs to be learned from it and try to not let it happen again.  I need to not do so much for people.  I need to let people see the real me before I make determinations about them or myself.  I need to figure out why I give so much to people.  And most of all, I need to let go and not look back.