Some nights I spend over an hour in bed trying to go to sleep and my thoughts seem to have other agendas. A few nights ago I found myself in this exact scenario, ruminating over an earlier conversation I had with a friend. This particular friend has a way of pushing my buttons when I am making an assumption that I am unaware I am operating from. I get a little defensive, however I know this friend is usually right and I let it go.
In fact, one of the main issues this friend and I have is based on assumptions, on my end, not theirs. I have always tried to not make assumptions about this friendship on any level about anything. I have always told this friend that I am a simple text away should they want to hang out with me. I felt this was a great way to never put pressure on anything or anyone and have adapted this habit with all of my friends. It never means that I do not want to see any of my friends, I just like things to be easy for all people involved. At least that’s what I thought.
So back to the other night; we were having a discussion via phone about hanging out and I had assumed that they didn’t want to see me since I hadn’t heard anything from them. I had one of those “oh wow, how could I have not seen this before moments?” I realized right then and there how much I really do make assumptions, and how much denial I am in about them.
I have assumed that they would be forthcoming with me about spending time with me, and that it was easier to let them take the lead for both of us. I have assumed that this friend would only want to be friends on their terms, and that mine didn’t matter. I have also assumed, and this is the big part, that this one-sided friendship was proof enough that I wanted to be friends with this person. I thought that up until this conversation. After this conversation, I realized that if the roles were reversed, I would feel rejected, like I didn’t really matter much. I know that I don’t want to feel that way so why was I making someone else feel that way?
It all boils down to being in acceptance of who we are and what we are. How am I going to be able to form healthy friendships with people if the entire basis of that friendship is my assuming that they are okay with it being one-sided? Especially when I know that if the situation were reversed I would not like it? And, for the matter, what an incredible pain in the butt I am being by always assuming I know what the other people in my life are thinking and what they want and do not want!?
Life is all about growth, learning, understanding, and moving forward. I truly appreciate these bumps in life because this is how I become aware of behavior that might be damaging to another person. I do not want that. I want everyone in my life to know how much I appreciate them and the space they fill.