Have you ever met someone that you genuinely like, have a lot in common with, and think you can trust them only to find out that they will hurt you the first chance they get in order to save themselves when they have screwed up? The screw up has nothing to do with you but you end up on the backlash of their mistake anyway. It sucks! It makes you want to retreat from people all together. It is hard to gain trust in yourself or other people again, especially when you know in hindsight that you probably shouldn’t have trusted this person in the first place.
I recently found myself in this type of situation. I didn’t consider the other two people to be close friends, with me or with themselves either, we were all just acquaintances brought together by one person. I know about what this person did to the other person and once the offender knew that I knew, it was an all out war. The war however wasn’t with me or anyone else, it was with themselves. In an effort to feel better about the mistake that was made this person deflected responsibility and decided to make assumptions about the other person involved and myself. The assumptions and accusations were not very detrimental to any of the others involved, however they caused much unneeded drama for everyone involved.
At the end of all of this drama, I honestly can look back and appreciate knowing these people for the short time that I did. I can also honestly say that I am happy they will not be in my present and future life. I cut ties because of these types of situations always happening. I wish I would have done it sooner, however I couldn’t see all of it clearly because I was in the middle of it. The signs were there, subtle and non-obtrusive, however they were there. I wasn’t ready to see it and I wasn’t ready to cut off ties.
There are times in life, as we have all experienced, where the drama and negativity of a situation negates the potential friendship or relationship and you have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth all of this. If you find that it is, then figure out ways that you can minimize the drama or negativity. Have an honest and open conversation with everyone involved and express your concerns in a non-combative way. Coming off as accusing or deflective in any way will cause the others involved to feel like they are being attacked which will cause them to become defensive. That is not a healthy way to have a conversation about change. If you find that there isn’t the possibility of hanging on to their friendships, and you feel that severing ties is the only way to deal with the drama, be prepared for some backlash.
The reality is that in more ways than one, I am happy to cut ties because its the only way to solve the negativity that was coming my way. Little bits of backlash have been trickling my way as a result and I can only deal with them as they come in a calm and rational way. I know the truth so the accusations only further my decision to maintain separateness. I want no part of a personal war. Life is too short and too precious to stay around drama and negativity. There is no way that you can create a life of your choosing and be happy if you are trapped in a circle of other peoples negativity. Choose to be happy and put yourself first! You will come out ahead every time!