Goals are the blueprint to the life that you want to create and experience for yourself. There will of course be a lot of times that creating the goal that you want will not create the outcome of the goal right-a-way.
This means you will live in a world that is at times less than optimal for yourself and may even be painful for a duration of time. However, when you do go through the pain and succeed it will stop perhaps a life time of suffering or shut the suffering down a whole lot faster. See there is a huge disconnect at times when it comes to imagining what you want to experience in life and the reality that it will take to get there.
When you have your goals set-up in a manner where there are absolute rituals that you must follow daily in order to reach your goals. It makes reaching your goals a lot easier and transformative. For your teenager they are used to you their Parents taking care of everything for them or letting them off the hook when things get tough. They never get the chance to become one of the tough because their loving Parents (me included) wants to do for them and protect them. We kill them slowly with our love because at times we do not allow them to finish what they start whenever they start to show some level of discomfort with it.
I had a mentor that watched me for many months with my Kids and he labeled me the silver back. I laughed and ask why? He said because if anyone messes with your Kids you are like the giant silverback that comes from his perch of over-seeing and takes care of your Kids issues for them and not allow them any stress or discomfort. He says I understand that you love your Kids and want to protect them. However, they will only grow through what they go through. And frankly not allowing your Kids to go through rough times is wrong.
Well, my Mentor had raised four very successful and wonderful Kids into adulthood and they were great at what they did and wonderful human-beings. So I listen and yes it was hard to listen and even harder to do. But I allowed my Kids more room and allowed them to experience stress and frustration and figure out how to solve their issues in an optimal way for them and what they want next in life. If my Kids need me I am there but more as a coach with inspiration and ideas of what they can do to fix their situation and why do they like this idea and not that idea. What are their ideas to place into the mix?
I actually allow them to place their ideas first into the solving of the problem and then I would help and guide them with ideas or direction. However, they have to be involved all the way strategically and emotionally. Teenagers really receive no kind of training about mental skills and resiliency in their education through their school systems. Somehow schools leave the really important parts about life out the teaching equation (Huge mistake at the cost of your kids.)
I want my kids to be as resilient as the honey badger and focused like a laser when they need to be. Know about finances and balancing a check-book. How to invest money and develop good spending habits and to be able to use a productive system of thinking to solve their obstacles and make and achieve their goals in their life. I want them to be able to control their emotions and manage them well. I want them to have a solid self-image filled with real experiences in life and have the total confidence to handle what comes there way without running to their silver back all the time.
It is a real balancing act for you the Parent because you have to be all things at all times. However, I realized that I have to be a certain thing at a certain time. I am the Parent all the time. However, am I the Parent and protector, am I the Parent and enforcer, and am I the Parent and personal success coach and so on. You and I have to know how to balance the very, very, delicate game in order to be the best and do the best for our beloved Kids.
So allowing our Kids to experience the procedures that will bring them success and happiness is often a struggle for positing and winning the game of life. I say life is like a game and some folks don’t like that term and expression. I respect their view but I use it more as an example than a literal meaning. Life has no guarantees of winning even if you are at the top of your game and have crazy mad skills at playing the game. But life does require you to be among the best and position yourself and there are score cards in areas of life. Let be give an example of the procedure to making and achieving goals.
Let say your teenager wants to lose weight. Let say they want to lose 30 pounds. They need to know that a change in diet is required not so many cheeseburgers and milkshakes and candy. More solid wholesome nutritional meals are required and that they will need to exercise. So they can design habits or rituals or a certain way of doing something every day that will help them achieve their goal of losing weight.
They can for example eat something really good for them first and wait about 15 minutes and allow the food to register and then have something that is a treat and they won’t eat so much of it. Yes it will require a little discipline to do but not as much as stopping their treats all together. Also the hunger pains and signals to eat will not be there or not be as strong. They can learn to exercise in ways that are fun to them. My Son hates to walk for the sake of just walking. So I turned walking quickly and having to run for spurts fun by playing tag.
Lots of kids will want to play when you make tag a game with a win and lose situation and maybe a reward for the winning team. I was able to get 10 Kids to show up three times a week to play in our fun game of tag. They loved the interactions with the other kids and the fun and the trying to win a prize. I got more exercise too and that was great! : Your Kids watch you and for the most part will mimic you.
So your Kid’s begins to learn that there are ways to lose weight that requires some give and take but that it does not always have to be totally bad and painful. The more things they can incorporate into their life the easier their goals become to achieve because they have set themselves up for a much higher chance for success. Successful patterns make successful results.